drunk for the moon

defeat yourself
write on every line
defeat
don’t lose the journal
don’t limit to the structure and the beauty
to the point of doing nothing.

It’s going. ….
It’s getting there.

feel fat
and disgusting
every day.

defeat yourself.
it’s all in your head. in your body.

pretend.
remember.
focus.
fuck me
eat me.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT,
take it or leave it,
baby
Who cares.

My life isn’t about
GRIDS
and check marks

And it’s not for
You.

i

 

cant

 

touch you

 

or….

 

like a sunset

can’t be touched

we can’t have

anything

i’m all up inside my walls.

what did you do to

                     prove yourself today??

                    oh i just 

                    fucked myself

                   til the power went out

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The truth never fails to reveal itself. if you scroll back far enough you will see I predicted everything, the black cloud, I felt it coming like a train on the tracks. I said,  let me lie down and die when i could have just stepped aside. all the leaves are falling so beautifully now,  the darkness spilling over the midday sky like a thick blue ink. I know this won’t last for long. Trains don’t notice anything

Binaural beats

In my dream I had so much money in my hands- a thick stack of 100s- running around downtown at night. It was from sex work- my dream was lucid when I realized I had no memory of actually making the money. I was gripping the cash, wishing so hard for it to translate into reality.

Fireworks erupted on westminster street and I sprawled my body on the pavement as they showered all over my body, sparks burning skin but I felt nothing. “My life is so magical…..”